Fairfax Media trades on the Australian Stock Exchange under the symbol FXJ, but it could be more properly be known by the initials FFS. The company’s share price is in a death spiral and its lack of capital means that the only way is south as its remaining staffers spend their days frantically scrolling through the pages of Gawker and Feministing looking for the sort of click-bait that might generate three-figure comment threads dripping with middle-class angst and outrage.
“FFS” is also pretty much the only reaction the Prick has each week to the increasingly advertorial-driven “Good Food” Tuesday supplement (hang on, didn’t it used to be “Good Living”?). Take this week’s Jill Dupleix cover story, “10 essential tools for every modern cook’s kitchen”, a near pitch-perfect parody of bobo gastronomy. From the Himalayan pink salt blocks to the iPad (huh?) it’s all there. What kitchen would be complete without an “oat miller” which, according to “eco-preneur and zero-waste evangelist Joost Bakker” (!) apparently “makes the best porridge, with sun-dried raisins, banana, honey and biodynamic milk”?
Also indispensable – who knew? – for any hip 21st century chef is a Mexican tortilla press. Irony is in short supply these days, but the Prick cannot be the only one in the Herald’s shrinking readership appalled by the image of rich white luvvies making peasant food in their Gaggenau-stuffed Balmain kitchens.
This site will concede that the PolyScience sous-vide machine, coming in at #8 and selling for $600, does sound pretty cool and probably does a better job of keeping temperatures stable than the home-built jobby in the kitchen at Stately Prick Manor – a hint in case the Three Little Pricks are reading and looking for something to pool their pocket money on for Christmas. What would be really great, of course, is if someone could build a proper chamber-sealer that’s affordable for the home. Hang on, it seems somebody has.