Guest Post: School Holidays with a Chance of Meatballs

Followers of the Prick’s Twitter feed will be aware of this site’s sometimes unhealthy obsession with “reality” cooking show My Kitchen Rules. Something about its finely calibrated manic combination of personality disorders, domestic voyeurism, high school politics, and “yeah I could do that” food (if the producers ever banned cooking with eye filet they’d be without a show) makes it utterly compelling, a lowbrow culinary House of Cards.

Yet out of this entertaining mire have risen some genuine gems, including the happy young couple Uel and Shannelle. Ultimately too nice to win, they gave us a lot of laughs over the weeks and won the coveted title of “only people on this whole damn show we’d ever let in the house”. And that includes Pete Evans, especially if he showed up with a sack of activated almonds as a hostess present.

Uel and Shannelle turned up at Salt Meats Cheese over the school holiday, where they held a meatball-making master class for the next generation of reality cooking show contestants. The Three Little Pricks, no stranger to a kitchen, went along for the ride. Here’s Eli’s account of the day, with an assist from younger brother Kip and older brother Nicholas:

On Wednesday the twenty third of April I had meatball making class with Uel and Shannelle. If you do not know who they are they are the people from My Kitchen Rules. My Kitchen Rules is a cooking show, and  if you want to know how to make a delicious meatball read on. If you’re not interested in making yummy meatballs stop reading right here.

The first step to making your lovely meatballs is to get some pork and some beef mince and mix it well. Now get an onion, chop it up, and put it in with your pork and beef. Mix that well, and after you have done this, now get a clove of garlic, chop it up, and mix it with your ingredients.

After you’ve done all of that get some breadcrumbs and stir it with milk. After your stirring you get some grated parmesan cheese and add two spoons of it. If you’re a cheese lover you can put some more cheese in to your mix.

Now it’s time to put some grated carrots into your bowl and mix the carrots around. Now it’s time to put your breadcrumbs into your mixture and mix it around. If you don’t want your hands to get dirty you can put some gloves on and mix the mixture now get some egg and mix that with your meat. Now shape the meat into nice round meatballs and stuff it with cheese. Now place it on a baking tray and let it cook for twenty minutes if you’re bored and are waiting for your meatballs to cook you can play some games for example you could play heads down thumbs up or you could just sit there and wait (very boring).

Once they have cooked you can take the meatballs out and enjoy if you want to make your own pasta with your meatballs read on.

Now it’s time to boil your pasta if you need some pasta go to your local store and get the pasta that you would like with your meatballs [or make your own!-ed.]. Once your water has got to a boil dump your chosen pasta until it has cooked al dente if you want.

Yes now you have made your own pasta and meatballs once you take your first bite it is so delicious.


Thanks to Salt Meats Cheese for having the Little Pricks along and to Uel and Shannelle for a great session. A great time was had by all, and Salt Meats Cheese remains one of the happiest places on Earth, or at least in Sydney.

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